I DIDN'T MEAN TO IGNORE YOU UNTIL YOU WERE DEAD BUT I WAS WAITING FOR AN APOLOGY
late spring snow and premature ashes
curse my drive back home.
this storm is so grey, i swear your confetti flesh
must still be smoking, sticking to my windshield
the way the cologne of camel blues and cognac
stuck to my clothes in kindergarten.
was it god or was it You who threw
your body on the highway?
i wish i could smash your urn against the sky, just to see
the force furrow the clouds into the shape of your brow
maybe if i could stand beneath your ashes
finding a home on the ground
maybe then i would know
what a father’s love feels like.
the blizzard pushes each car into the ditches
while i scrape by on this country road fishtailing.
i promise that i’ll sweep them up tomorrow,
but for now
i will savor your last assault.
heavy eyes meet sterile air
this is not a drill.
my mother beating
my dark wood apartment door
in with her.
i felt sand in my eyes
where tears should be
through their sockets
IT'S IN THE BLOOD
is vodka on the rocks after the day you’ve just had considered fighting fire with fire, or is
it just the principle of the thing? i hear your laugh every time the glass hits the table;
there’s congruence between the demeaning grinds of your teeth while you sleeply
sound and my jawed squares from flaming tequila, composting a stomach so hot, i’ll
cook your dinner tonight. tight-lips linger, praying to this bottle that you’re nowhere near
my room tomorrow morning. sweat drips down my neck and shatters on the carpet.
farther gone, but never lost the boy who floated off to neverland when he refused to
fucking grow up and please don’t stay the night again, i can’t sleep with knuckle prints
forcing lines into the book you couldn’t ghostwrite. saving face or saving
bounced backwards to when liquor could have
cured the both of us.
ABOUT MARINA HART
Marina Hart is a poet and writer based out of Boston and Minneapolis. Their work revolves around repressed emotional trauma, liminal spaces, and borderline personality disorder. Their most recent project is a series of poetry and fiction that reclaims “daddy issues” from sexism through a blunt, visceral, and darkly comedic post-trauma perspective. Hart is pursuing their BFA in Creative Writing and Global Studies at Emerson College.